apologies & confessions

i'm sorry. i don't usually do this in the blog forum.

i was just driving home, behind a white minivan that was going a couple of miles over the limit - not too slow, not too fast. normally not a big deal. but i had tears well up in my eyes - i just wanted to get home. i had to get home. my life & calendar have pushed me to the edge of my capacity this week. and if some of you think that makes me weak, you need to know that i don't really care what you think. i am beyond that. i am who i am, and i cannot and will not apologize for that. i have no space for personal recovery for too long. and as for this week, i'm not even through it. i have one more committment tonight and one tomorrow morning, both of which require my 'game face'. people to chat up, cheeriness to fake, polite conversation to make, performances to give. i don't know if i can do that. i mean, i guess i don't have a choice, but i don't know how i am going to do that. i am going to take the next hour, while curtis has the girls at piano lessons, to try to regroup. it isn't much, but it's my only port in this storm.