Monday, May 08, 2006

not what you expected

motherhood is tough gig. i try not to live my life defined by the fact that i'm a mom, but there is no denying that it shapes me and influences my choices. the hardest thing, for me, about being a mom is the relentlessness of it - day after day, lunch after lunch, load after load of laundry... i love love love my daughters, but there are days when the grind wears me thin. coming up to mother's day, i've been thinking about that, and i think that what makes it hard for me is that i can be such a selfish person. when life is trucking along and what the girls need and i feel like doing are compatible, life is sweet. but when their needs conflict with my wants... the self-serving ego in me raises it's ugly head. sigh. i'll never forget the moment i became a mom - the revelation of how much my life revolved around me was startling!

jean pierre de cassaude, a french priest from the 16th century, wrote a series of letters that were collected after his death and published into a little book called 'abandonment to divine providence'. the theme of his letters was that what we are given at any moment - be it pleasure or pain, work or rest, joy or sorrow - is exactly what we need to become holy. he said, 'you seek for secret ways of belonging to God, but there is only this: to do what he has given you to do, and to do it with joyful abandon to his will'.

and so i am reminded coming up to mother's day, that if i let motherhood pare my self-consideration, i will become more and more into the woman God intended me to be. and in turn, find motherhood an easier road. not a smooth and gentle road, but one that i have the grace to travel.

so call your mom on sunday - or write a note to a woman who has influenced you with a mother's love and wisdom. because we are just people trying really hard to do our best and not screw you up too badly!


Sabrina said...

You inspire me!

Anonymous said...

Oscar Wilde once said, "All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."