Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Just out of my reach, they lay heavy
Ideas and sensations
Things without words
That make my pen feeble and
I could find the language for
Things without words
I know that Truth would be spoken
And beauty beheld.
Some things are most beautiful in their
Some Truths are only known by our
I will sit very still
These heavy things making me light
Soaking in my unknowing
At peace with absence
And my feeble pen.
Monday, April 28, 2008
maybe this is why we don't easily give Love. it seems, at first blush, to put us at a disadvantage. it is expensive, and it asks us to put ourselves at the end of the line, rather than push our way up to the front. but this is 'kingdom upside down' kind of living. this is how we were intended to be. and i can tell you from personal experience that it is not easy. not remotely. but it can transform me when i let it...and to tell you the truth, it's not often that i let it. sometimes, you get lucky and the cost is small compared to the return. but even when it's not, i believe that trying to be who we are intended to be, what we are intended to be, has an impact that goes beyond today, beyond here and now. and so even if the cost is great, i want to learn how to live Love. i am willing to live upside down. i hope.
Friday, April 25, 2008
today, i want to give a shout out to two women in my life - women who, when i'm around them, just make me joyful. merely being in their presence is delightful.
the first is my friend, tenea, who happened to cut my hair yesterday. it was the most purely joyful haircut i've ever gotten. :) the very heart of her bubbles up with laughter & yet also, in sort of mysterious ways, peace. she has a beautiful spirit (and if you need a hair cut, i highly recommend it!) she is full of life and faith, and every time i talk to her i wish i could stay and talk to her more. she is simply delightful to be around!
the second is my friend deirdre. she has the most open heart - you can read it on her face. in spite of the journey she's had to walk, she is always looking for the positive - not in a naive way, but in a genuine way. she gives me crap when i start a pity party, reeling off the beautiful things in my life, but does it without making feel lectured or like she's shaking her finger at me. it just comes naturally to her. i am secretly coming to count on her joy to bouy me up!
i feel like once, long, long ago, i was someone who made other people happy just to be around. i seem to have lost that somewhere along my way. these spectacular women make me want to find it again. thanks, girls.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
my upstairs hallway. between the girls rooms.
- a purple badminton racket
- a pair of tights
- plastic glasses with no lenses
- meg's hospital bracelet "souvineir"
- 'cat fancy' magazine (my mom subscribed them to it)
- 3 hard cover books (kyra's)
- 5 beads
- a half deflated balloon.
a better mother than i would tidy those things up. but i can't be bothered.... on the WAY PLUS side, kyra did all the laundry yesterday. three loads! she asked if she could learn how, and who am i to say no to inquiring minds of the next generation?!?!!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
also thankful for:
- my mom
- my friends
- curtis & the girls
- my marriage - going strong after nearly 14 years
- cloudy, grey, warm & rainy days
- envirosax (!)
- bird feeders
- God - who is amazingly faithful to me in the midst of my unfaithfulness
- a strong & healthy body
- frogs, snakes & lizards
- good books & public libraries
- the work-out dvd
- peaceful mornings
i could go on, but for your sake, i'll stop....
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
this resonates with me. i run around, trying to squeeze myself into what God has revealed to the people around me like trying to fit into someone else's dress, the whole time never thinking that if i just slowed down and let myself hang out with him for a while, my heart would hear it's own "word of life" - one that would be infinitely more fulfilling and meaningful. also, too, that all the books i read and things i do can be totally useless to my relationship with Jesus if they take the place of just being with him. eep...
Monday, April 21, 2008
ben and kari are very seriously headed toward moving to indonesia with their kids. that's not totally nuts, i know. especially as it would be for him to work in the area of his phD & gifts... but it ain't moving to boise, idaho, either. (but how fun will it be to go visit them!?)
mark told me to pick a day, any day, and he is going to send me whatever is on woot.com that day. just for kicks and giggles. yesterday, woot sold a $4 screwdriver. two weeks ago it was a $265 dyson vacuum cleaner. i picked may 1st (my mom's birthday)...hopefully it will be a lucky day! (c'mon, ipod dock!)
vincent - ahhhh, vincent. just got a second job! we are stunned at his sudden produtivity! and the new job is..... (drumroll, please!)..... teaching writing and poetry to prisoners in his local medium security prison! i mean, if anyone could do it, vincent could... but ... oh. my. gosh. nuts.
but what can i say - i love 'em. nothing i can do about that. and since we're all swimming in the same gene pool, who knows but that the next crazy move will be mine...
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
- envirosax - a tidy little bag of 5 lightweight, portable, and waterproof shopping bags. Each one holds the equivalent of two supermarket plastic bags thanks to reinforced seams.
- the new john mayer cd - which is not out yet, but the new single 'say' reinforces that i heart his music, and can't wait for the cd.
- the rumored to be in production new whitney houston cd. now that bobby brown is gone, i believe she can make music again....
- a really good ipod speaker dock
- alicia keys tickets. only $106 for the cheap seats. *sigh*
- kirk franklin tickets - but he's not coming anywhere near here. *sigh*
- a cook. someone who will come and make supper for me. and then do the dishes.
with the possible exception of the envirosax. not one of those things is a "need". i am quick enough to shake my fist at the culture of excess, and look at me. *sigh* greedy greedy greedy.
Monday, April 14, 2008
i am going to florida this week! hooray! i am super excited! i am all about the warm, as you know... and i'm going with a great friend, so it should be glorious. *aaaahhhhhh*
i'm rereading a little book called 'abandonment to divine providence' which is basically a collection of letters/writings from a 16th century french priest, that focus on - strangely enough - being abandoned to whatever God has for you...and how that attitude of abandon is all we need to become truly holy. i am having recent trouble abandoning myself, so i picked it up again. it's full of wisdom & ideas that are worth thinking about, and here is one for you today...it's my longtime favorite in the whole book:
"my dear souls, you are seeking for secret ways of belonging to God, but there is only one: making use of whatever he offers you. ... there is no need for you to understand the lessons (His will) has taught others, nor to repeat them cleverly. you will be taught matters which are for you alone." - jean pierre de caussade
Saturday, April 12, 2008
(this from an email i sent out yesterday)
Well – here I sit, with a sleepy and sore (and drugged) meg laying on the couch across from me. she did very well, and the doctors and nurses all commented on her maturity and beauty. (truly!) the most astonishing thing about this moment, (aside from the fact that meg is actually awake and not speaking), is that she is breathing out of her nose – already! The doctor said that her adenoids were even larger than she anticipated (and unusually large for a girl her age, which is when they should start to recede in size), and so the surgery covered more surface than expected, and it could take up to 10 days for the swelling to resolve itself and for us to see an improvement. But here the two of us are, and she is breathing with her mouth closed while she sucks on a chocolate! This is exactly what we were hoping for, and why we chose to go ahead with the surgery. With her mouth closed, I suddenly see how beautiful Megan’s lips are… it’s been such a long time since I saw them closed! I am seriously verklempt over here! :) We have 72 hours of recovery & rest, but if all goes well, she’ll be back to school Monday.
Also, while they were dealing with the breathing tube & tongue depressors, one of her troublesome loose teeth was “accidentally” (as far as meg knows) pulled, and so now the tooth fairy gets to come, too! I was about to make her a dentist appt. to have that tooth pulled, so this is a bonus!Thanks for all your thoughts & prayers!
Friday, April 11, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
happy day to you all!
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Monday, April 07, 2008
meg is getting her adenoids taken out on friday - that's the biggest news around these parts. she has chronic trouble breathing through her nose, and although she's been on 3 different adult rx allergy medications, (sometimes at the same time!), they are no noticable help. so, out those suckers come! even she is excited, hoping to find relief. poor kid...
in joyous news, durham is greening up! leaves and grass and even my lilies are making their spring appearance! hooray! a bright yellow goldfinch on my feeder, a bunny on the neighbors lawn in the dim evening light, and moths around the porch light. *ahhhhh* i love the warm.
and best of all, curtis did our taxes today! hooray! he is taking a well deserved nap. kudos to you, curtis.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
- a THREE FOOT shark!! surrounded by seagulls, missing it's eye's and being torn open at the gills, but otherwise flawless! i was stunned to see it up on the shore. we think it may have been a baby blue shark, or even a baby white one...very very cool.
- 30 - 40 portuguese man of war jellyfish! some of them were clearly still alive, raising their "sails" every time a wave pushed them in, so kyra took a giant broken conch shell and would scoop them up and hurl them into the ocean until they got far enough out to ride the waves and disappear. very cool. very persistent girl!
- a sea slug! ew! very cool - very heavy! it curled away from me when i poked it, so i hurled it into the surf with my very best overhand outfielder throw. (it went far... i have a great arm.) :)
- dozens of round, spidery crabs, all of which megan collected in her own giant, broken conch (of which there were hundreds that would have been as big as my head if they were whole!)
- A SCOTCH BONNET! for FOUR YEARS every time we've been to the beach i have scoured for an unbroken one of these shells! unfortunately, their dome is very fragile and i've only ever found bits of them. until yesterday! when some of the most violent surf i've ever seen pushed an unbroken scotch bonnet right up to my feet. i screamed like a little kid!
- an united states armed forces ID from 1983 for pvt-1 tracy l. stevens. astonishing. i wonder what happened to him... i tried to google him, but came up empty. i guess i'll send it to the army and politely ask? it'd been laminated, so even his picture is still clear... amazing.
it was a great day. full of the sort of stuff you always hope to come across scouring the sand.