Tuesday, July 31, 2007
These are the words of Henri Nouwen, who chose to leave his tenured position teaching at Harvard to work with L'Arche, a community for mentally handicapped adults. He talks about being faced with his "naked self", unable to rest on his reputation, the books he's published, the knowlege he had to impress them or create "relationships"....the things that made him "relevent" (but didn't satisfy his heart) became completely irrelevent there.
I struggle to be relevent, to prove I have something to offer - we all do, I think. Our inner shelf of personal trophies is full of our deeds, not our attitudes or be-ing's. Yet, the harder I try to prove my worth, the less sure I am of it. It's an odd paradox. I love the idea of "reclaiming my unadorned self" - being free to love and be loved for no reason at all. That really sounds like freedom to me, don't you think?
In other news, I have got to stop my "woe is me" party. This is sort of like a pity-party, but there is nothing around here to "pity" - i am just full of ennui & a general sort of malaise/depresssion. Surprisingly, this is not as much fun as it sounds. I have a big & fun month, but can hardly summon the energy to look at my calendar. This is not cool, people. I will have to instigate some personal wellness disciplines, i think....from going to bed earlier to reading for my heart to the discipline of unselfishness. I have got to get beyond myself! This is a very tricky thing to do!!! *sigh* Just when I think I've got life figured out... being a 'grown up' is a lot harder than i thought it would be....
Monday, July 30, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
you know how sunday is for naps on the couch, laying around and maybe a trip to the beach? not for me...not today. today, i did 3 1/2 hours of hard core cleaning...the kind that involves mulitple cleaning products...and i'm not even done yet. but i'm done for now. ungh. this is when a lovely glass of red wine is truly something that "gladdens the heart of man" (psalm 104:15). if david can celebrate the vino, so can i!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
the game starts @ 7pm monday night -and here are the directions (or mapquest them yourself ... 111 Brooks Park Lane, Apex, NC 27502):
Ø From Cary travel High House Road to Highway 55 at the intersection continue straight onto Green Level Road West. Travel on Green Level Road West approximately 3 miles then take a right onto Green Level Church Road. The park is approximately 2 miles on the right.
Ø From Raleigh take the 440 Beltline to the US 1/Highwy 64 exit. Travel on Highway 64 until the Highway 55 exit. Take Highway 55 north until it intersects with High House Road and Green Level Road West. Turn left onto Green Level Road West, travel approximately 3 miles then take a right onto Green Level Church Road. The park is approximately 2 miles on the right.
on a different note, i am going to richmond today to see my friend, lisa. i will talk to you all when i get back on friday. :) have a lovely rest of your week!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
plus they added marcus buckingham, who i've heard before, who is not only a leadership genius, but a very handsome brit with a fabulous accent...(sorry curtis - but don't worry, i love you more!)
Monday, July 23, 2007
- harry potter & the deathly hallows (read the whole thing in one night - now i am reading it againg...and i didn't even peek ahead to the ending!)
- allure "the #1 beauty magazine"
- mere christianity - c.s. lewis
- death by love at first sight - jvo
what can i say? i'm a complicated woman.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
- curtis took aretha, my laptop, to his conference. i don't have my IM, or my web favs... i miss her...
- i read some c.s. lewis last night - mere christianity - and his brilliant intellect is so accessible, completely lacking in grandiosity or verbal strutting... and even though my pogo stick strained to follow his neatly laid railroad ties, i think i found my new favorite sentences..."Besides being complicated, reality, in my experience, is usually odd. it is not neat, not obvious, not what you expect." story of my life!
- i had a terrible sleep last night. there were 'bad guys' behind every cricket chirp, and i was up at least every couple of hours to peer out between the slats of the blinds. i slept with the machete beside my bed...
"am I in here?"
once I was a girl who
relished the grass –
on in it
now i carefully prop myself
in chairs & on blankets,
if need be
once i was a fleet footed
indian warrior princess,
in a deep wood
now I carefully wash,
clean & despair
at the mess & clutter of childhood
a young mermaid crowns me
with a twist of vines
and declares me
The Mermaid Queen
and skips away laughing
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
in other news, my husband is a yeti. not his fault - but there haven't been any confirmed sightings, if you know what i mean. sigh. to say that he hit the ground running after we got home from our vacay is an understatement. he worked all day sunday after church, and worked 13 hours on monday, which is supposed to be his one day off. and to top it off, he is at a conference today and tomorrow (including overnight).... sasquatch, indeed. i am not bitter at him - truly not his fault - but i am lonely, you know? and that makes me grouchy. damn.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Friday, July 13, 2007
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Monday, July 09, 2007
this is curtis & jeff... they've been together longer than curtis & I have! :) they were roommates at school, went to jazz school together after curtis & i were married, were the best men at each other's wedding... i don't know of two men who are closer friends. curtis loves him even though he is "an uber-talented, i-can-do-anything-better-than-anyone, friend" :) they are so cute to watch together, and i like to say that on the rare occasions that they get to see each other, jeff gets dibs on curtis!
Saturday, July 07, 2007
but i will leave you with this -
driving home tonight from a rehersal, the air was redolent with the smell of fresh cut hay - so much so you could almost taste it. it's one of the happy smells of my childhood... and the canola is yellow. there are miles upon miles of fields of yellow canola, and i love it so much. i will try to take a picture... some people think it smells yucky, but again, a happy smell of my childhood.