the opening of my book

i have heard it said that every good story resists being written. if that's true, then mine must be a doozy.

chaos swirls around me in the semi-dark; my daughter is collapsed, dead, amid a hundred others now jerking and twisting, rising to become, in fact, undead. the strains of michael jackson's 'thriller' resonate through the theater, and the bright eyed zombies raise their soprano voices to echo the king of pop. from my vantage point, there seems to be little hope that the choreography will come together by saturday, but thankfully, it's not my job to make sure it does. so instead, i let my mind roam through my own chaos, trying to find the beginning of all of this...or at least a place that will make sense once it gets rolling. i suppose the only way into the mess of any story is headlong... making course corrections on the fly. somehow that seems appropriate.

well, that was unexpected

i was on facebook today when i saw photos posted of old friends, who i haven't really been in touch with for years and years, camping (in the cold, no less). i don't love camping. i hate the cold. and with few exceptions, i've been very, very out of touch with all of them. but i suddenly felt so left out. so lonely. adrift.

transition? decompression? the odd grief of leaving one community to begin another? i don't know, but i know the feeling is very real. and unexpected. and sad.

the blues brothers

from right to left:

rick, josh, curtis, justin & dennis.

i love these boys... for each of their talents, their creativity, the joy that glows out of them when they play, their humor & for how they have supported curtis with their time, energy & gifts. i have heard curtis come home after serving with them, on innumerable occasions, "man... i love playing with (insert name here)! they are so fantastic!"

you boys have given him great, great joy! and i know he is counting on you being a part of his life for a long time!

thank you

words are in sufficient. but they are all that i have. so please hear me.

thank you.

love rae, curtis, kyra & meg

lonely epidemic

"The danger isn't Rentafriend per se, but rather what it symbolizes," he said. "We purchase fleeting replacements because, as a society, we lack those close, meaningful bonds that are so essential. "

it left me shaking my head... you can read the article here.

a picture speaks a thousand words

around the intertubes...

starting off on the right foot

i am so excited! we are one week away from our first "just us" family vacation... and even better, at the beach! *aaaahhhhh* it's been a looong spring and a disease-riddled june, but there is a light at the end of my tunnel! a beachfront condo, (with a pool just in case!), a beach, and our family.

and when we get home, it's going to be a whole new world...

reading:

"sacred companions" - david benner

"61 hours" - lee child

physician, heal thyself

today i read a little pamphlet that was given to me by sister joanna entitled 'what to expect in christian spiritual direction'. she told me that it would be helpful to me in describing what i might expect from the program i have applied for... (and should be hearing about in a month or so!)

one of the things that stuck out to me was that a key question in spiritual direction is 'what is God's gift to you in this?' or put another way, 'how is God active & present in this?' - even in the hardest, darkest times.

i began to reflect on this in light of our family's recent bout of disease and stress. not a long term hardship, sure, but definitely an exhausting one. specifically in terms of kyra, it occurred to me that not too long ago i was commenting to curtis that she had been living a lot of her life outside the family. babysitting, friends, swimming, school... always something going on. not a problem by any stretch, but i sensed an isolation in her that was making her unhappy.

all that to say this: one of God's gifts to us in this is bringing kyra back into the bosom of her family. :) we've had hours (and hours and hours!) of watching movies together, ibuprofen administrating & back rubbing; followed by, as she has lost her fever, game playing, book reading & quiet fun. i need to remember that when i feel overwhelmed with the demands of sick kids.

so... maybe look at the thing that's hard for you lately, and ask God to show you what small - or maybe big - gift he's trying to give you in the midst of it.

it's a matter of perspective

never thought i'd see the day where, "oh look! you're covered in scabs!", was a joyous exclamation!

once more with feeling...

chicken pox, round 2.

poor kyra.

i shake my fist at the sky! i KNOW kyra was vaccinated against this! %$$@!

i have a working theory that job suffered from the first recorded case of chicken pox...

Job 2:7-8

⁷ So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD and afflicted Job with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the top of his head. ⁸ Then Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat among the ashes.

you want to do what when!?

i was describing the pace of my life to a friend at work today, and he said, "there's no way i believe that's true."

sadly, it is true. i keep thinking it will slow down any minute now, but it is relentless! trying to plan dinner with friends is laughable, a date is practically unthinkable, and anything involving overnight is flat out unreasonable.

is it just me, or is something out of whack here?