Friday, September 21, 2007

apologies & confessions

i'm sorry. i don't usually do this in the blog forum.

i was just driving home, behind a white minivan that was going a couple of miles over the limit - not too slow, not too fast. normally not a big deal. but i had tears well up in my eyes - i just wanted to get home. i had to get home. my life & calendar have pushed me to the edge of my capacity this week. and if some of you think that makes me weak, you need to know that i don't really care what you think. i am beyond that. i am who i am, and i cannot and will not apologize for that. i have no space for personal recovery for too long. and as for this week, i'm not even through it. i have one more committment tonight and one tomorrow morning, both of which require my 'game face'. people to chat up, cheeriness to fake, polite conversation to make, performances to give. i don't know if i can do that. i mean, i guess i don't have a choice, but i don't know how i am going to do that. i am going to take the next hour, while curtis has the girls at piano lessons, to try to regroup. it isn't much, but it's my only port in this storm.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

have you tried drinking heavily? that usually works for me...

rachel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Annie said...

We shouldn't have to apologize or excuse who we are because it doesn't fit to someone else's standard...love you and wishing you elbow room and peace!!

kristine said...

a bottle of wine and a straw....hurray for euphoria. if you figure out how to "regroup" in the small window you have, let me in on your secret to survival.I NEED IT TOO!