Wednesday, June 13, 2007

keepin' it real - part II

so, yesterday we talked about the glories of being a stay at home mom. today, how about the non-glories? my every desire is subjugated to the needs of 2 other human beings, who very rarely are in tune with what i am hoping for. for instance, until they started school, i had not showered, peed, made dinner, read a book, sent an email, played a game, ate my lunch, vacuumed, driven or closed my eyes without The Girls "needing" me for something. That was EVERY DAY FOR EIGHT ENTIRE YEARS. as a non-mother friend told me yesterday, after her first day of nannying, "wow - they really require your focused attention all day! it was exhausting!" yes, you are correct. even now, my "effective hours" are limited to school hours.

then you have the disdain of people around you... "you stay home?" i can't tell you how disheartening that is. it is another wound everytime someone makes a derisive comment. i blow it off with, "well, it would be illegal for me to have a job, since i only have a spousal visa." but it still hurts, right at the very heart of who i am. so right now, moment of truth out loud: i want to be here for my girls. even if i could work, i would choose a happy little part-time job, because my husband & i place a high value on having a parent at home for The Girls. (For the record - i know this is a luxury; that there are families who need both parents' income. i am not making any sort of statement against that!! i am just telling it how it is for us.)

the flip side of that coin is the occasional fear that i am wasting my life & my gifts/abilities/intellect. when i am objective, i see the things i do with my life - volunteering, my involvment at church, the freedom i have to help my friends, and not least of all the way i am able to raise my girls because i am here - are not wasted or thrown away. and i will only be 42 when Megan is 18, and that is a lot of life left. not to mention the options to study while they study, or working when they are older. much of this feeling comes from the aforementioned "looking down the nose" that stay at home moms find themselves faced with.

also, there is the whole "competitive mom" thing. but i feel like i've already been very clear on that subject in this forum.

so be nice to stay at home moms, ok? they've got more going on than you know - both internally & externally - and they willingly put aside a lot of their own dreams and plans to try to raise up human beings who will make the world better. it's a scary thing, and we deserve a break.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

you sound like a country song...maybe in your free time you should write some songs

Joey said...

AMEN and AMEN! I may not be the total stay at home mom anymore, but I have sacrificed a "regular job" for a "career" that allows me to be home as much as possible when my kids are, and for that I have elementary school teachers give me that "oh" and "sympathetic" smile when I tell them I clean houses for a living. No one would possibly choose to do that, I must not be capable of anything greater...

It is hard to deflect the nose snubbing folks, but we know the sacrifices we are making are so worth the being there for our kids :0)

Love ya and hooray for you!!!

casey said...

I think the breakdown in society is not having enough stay at home moms. The kids are running around like crazies with no supervision bc their parent(s) are busy working till 7pm. Then they go to McDonalds, become overweight and play video games until 11pm. I see it everyday and I am excited to contribute to the positive upbringing of Godly children. :)

cr99ist03in said...

I intend to be a stay-at-home Mom when I become a Mom and people I speak to about that work (and are STRESSED out to come home to their baby after a long day) always tell me I'll change my tune once I get into it. I've also been there when people say those sorts of things to friends of mine who are stay-at-home Moms or were. The benefits are so vast and come on, everyone really knows it's a TON of work without pay so I don't know why anyone puts their two cents in anymore. They must enjoy the sound of their own voices.

And Joey, I would LOVE to clean houses for a living. My first job was to clean my parents' house every week when I was 14. I need to look into it.

Joey said...

I was by no means complaining...that was simply the description of the look I get from fulltime employed moms or my kids teachers who think I'm crazy for wanting to clean :0)

I love my jobs! I love my kids! If you are serious about your interest...email me!! :0)

Angela said...

I deeply desire to be a stay at home mom. And not because I have some crazy idea that it's all sunshine and kisses but because my mom stayed home with us and although she was a strict mom, to this day I keep hoping that I'll be there, around the clock, whenever my baby needs me. You are a blessing to the world of parenthood Rachel ...

stephanie said...

Amen!!! We have sacrificed a-lot so that I could stay home with my son and be here for him. I would not change one second!