starting off on the right foot

i am so excited! we are one week away from our first "just us" family vacation... and even better, at the beach! *aaaahhhhh* it's been a looong spring and a disease-riddled june, but there is a light at the end of my tunnel! a beachfront condo, (with a pool just in case!), a beach, and our family.

and when we get home, it's going to be a whole new world...

reading:

"sacred companions" - david benner

"61 hours" - lee child

physician, heal thyself

today i read a little pamphlet that was given to me by sister joanna entitled 'what to expect in christian spiritual direction'. she told me that it would be helpful to me in describing what i might expect from the program i have applied for... (and should be hearing about in a month or so!)

one of the things that stuck out to me was that a key question in spiritual direction is 'what is God's gift to you in this?' or put another way, 'how is God active & present in this?' - even in the hardest, darkest times.

i began to reflect on this in light of our family's recent bout of disease and stress. not a long term hardship, sure, but definitely an exhausting one. specifically in terms of kyra, it occurred to me that not too long ago i was commenting to curtis that she had been living a lot of her life outside the family. babysitting, friends, swimming, school... always something going on. not a problem by any stretch, but i sensed an isolation in her that was making her unhappy.

all that to say this: one of God's gifts to us in this is bringing kyra back into the bosom of her family. :) we've had hours (and hours and hours!) of watching movies together, ibuprofen administrating & back rubbing; followed by, as she has lost her fever, game playing, book reading & quiet fun. i need to remember that when i feel overwhelmed with the demands of sick kids.

so... maybe look at the thing that's hard for you lately, and ask God to show you what small - or maybe big - gift he's trying to give you in the midst of it.

it's a matter of perspective

never thought i'd see the day where, "oh look! you're covered in scabs!", was a joyous exclamation!

once more with feeling...

chicken pox, round 2.

poor kyra.

i shake my fist at the sky! i KNOW kyra was vaccinated against this! %$$@!

i have a working theory that job suffered from the first recorded case of chicken pox...

Job 2:7-8

⁷ So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD and afflicted Job with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the top of his head. ⁸ Then Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat among the ashes.

you want to do what when!?

i was describing the pace of my life to a friend at work today, and he said, "there's no way i believe that's true."

sadly, it is true. i keep thinking it will slow down any minute now, but it is relentless! trying to plan dinner with friends is laughable, a date is practically unthinkable, and anything involving overnight is flat out unreasonable.

is it just me, or is something out of whack here?

the realization

last night as i tucked meg in, she began to cry. she pulled me down close to her, and into my ear she whispered, "i just looked in the mirror, and i felt like i saw myself again. i feel pretty." she has been wholeheartedly disfigured by these chicken pox, it was a huge relief to her to recognize herself under the clearing scabs.

...i felt like i saw myself again...

meg has been horrified at the thought of going out into public. "i'm so ugly!" i asked her if she thought all her friends loved her just because she was cute, and there was a slow and despondent head shake. but even though she may be able to acknowledge that, clearly there is a strong belief in her mind that she is what she looks like.

...i felt like i saw myself again...

i would love to blame this on our culture. the glossy ads in magazines, the stars on the red carpet, the tv ads for shinier hair, better skin & thinner thighs... and they are definitely a huge part of it. but i would be wrong to say i didn't play a roll. i am the one who brings those glossy magazines home. i have been known to trudge through the house announcing i was too ugly to go out into the world. against all my best efforts, i have had a significant hand in teaching my daughter that she is what she looks like.

...i felt like i saw myself again...

before i can teach my girls how to see themselves - and their beauty - in their laughter, their compassion, their gifts & talents, their joy of life & their kindness, i am going to have to learn to see my own beauty in those things. because they will learn what i do and live faster than what what i say. i want them to be able to look at the lives of love and compassion and friendship and generosity they will live and then say, "i feel like i saw myself again."

the question is more important than the answer

well, folks, we are fever free! hooray! of course, meg still looks like the victim of a horrible acid accident, but we are on the road to recovery! woot!

in other news, i read this in my book this morning. SO good.

"for most of my life i have struggled to find God, to know God, to love God. i have failed many times... now i wonder whether i have sufficiently realized that during all this time God has been trying to find me, to know me, and to love me. the question is not "How am I to find God?" but "How am I to let myself be found by God?" The question is not "How am I to know God?" but "How am I to let myself be known by God?" The question is not "How am I to love God?" but "How am I to let myself be loved by God?" And finally, the question is not "Who is God for me?" but "Who am I to God?" (henri nouwen - 'spiritual direction')

i think it would be valuable for us to seriously reflect on those questions. i think they have the potential to turn a lot of what we think we know about God on it's head...