sunday nights

i hate to be maudlin. i really do. but i want to go home.

what do you do when you are at home, but you want to go home?

not to my parents house, not to my childhood residence.... but home.

i am done my life for today.

perfect day

the inflatable pool is on the deck, slowing filling from the hose.

the sun is beating down and the fans are swirling the air in every room.

ahhhh..... summer.

nutmeg

"Allow children to be happy in their own way, for what better way will they find?" (Samuel Johnson)

meet nutmeg. she is our beautiful, joyful, moody, creative & wild 9 year old, and this is one of her (many!) dreams - pink hair. what mother would deny her 9 year old the ability to be "happy in their own way" for something so simple, so easy as that? she flounced out of the house today with a wide grin, calling behind her, "i'll let you know what everyone thinks about my hair!" she expects some envy, some bewilderment, and some disdain. but she doesn't care - because she is a fierce individual who is being raised on the truth that it is better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not.

i believe one of the greatest gifts i will give my daughters is the ability to love themselves for who they are - their whole selves. to acknowledge their weaknesses, revel in their strengths, and move with grace through a world that will judge both. it's a difficult thing to impart, but i am trying, every day. it is a battle i will not surrender.

frankly, the world could use a little more pink hair.

i knew it!

i experienced a little piece of americana last night: the golden corral.

curtis and i have long avoided it's cattle shute approach to food, but thanks to the girl scouts year end "banquet", there was nothing to be done. so i paid my $9.99 and entered... with trepidation. and it turned out that i was justified in my fears.

as i paced up and down the astonishingly long counters, people passed with plates piled high. i, on the other hand, could not bring myself to put anything onto mine. i finally settled on a bit of pot roast, some bourbon chicken and fried rice. the roast was tender, true, but whatever it was slathered in was inedible. the rice was spiced with something akin to plastic, and the chicken, well, i actually ate that. i left the rest on my plate, appalled at both my wastefulness, and the food itself.

thank goodness for the salad bar...

ta da!

some of you ask, so here you go! i present to you, aly & zoe! :)

direction vs. intention

"I want the presence of God Himself, or I don't want anything at all to do with religion...I want all that God has or I don't want any." - a.w. tozer

curtis and i have been talking on and off lately about "religion"... what it is, what it isn't, what it ought to be and whether it should be thrown out all together. this quote is pretty close to what i would say, too... pretty close to my hearts desire.

the tricky thing here is that, as andy stanley said, "direction, not intention, determines your destination". you can "want all that God has" - intend it, if you will - but if you are not going in that direction with your choices, your destination isn't going to look much like what you intended. and this is where what would fall under the catagory of "religion" can be helpful; it gives a structure to inform our choices. a map, if you will, to help us choose our direction wisely.

but.

following the map for the map's sake is insufficient. and this is where "religion" is a risky proposition. tozer makes this point with the little word "or". "i want God, or i want nothing to do with religion". he knows that our disciplines and practices are empty and hollow unless they lead us into the heart of God. going through the motions doesn't give you "all that God has", because God is inherently not interested in our motions; they are fully insufficient anyways. we are none of us holy, and our best effort is simply not good enough. but there is good news here - God "desires mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings". or, in the message translation, "I'm after love that lasts, not more religion. I want you to know God, not go to more prayer meetings."

yet our love finds it's framework in the disciplines and practices of our faith. because i love curtis, i want to show him. i want to know what he wants, i want to make him happy. and from God's point of view, because he loves us he wants us to, in the words of ralph (a la simpson's valentine episode), "choo-choo-choose" him. not check off a list of "to do's" that will satisfy some vending machine God, but choose him. choose to engage our hearts and minds in putting hands and feet to our intentions.

because your direction determines your destination; not your intention.

i'm up way too late ... again...

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one." - c.s. lewis

good friends ... easy conversation ... a night of hope and future and the camaraderie of shared experiences. brownies and beer ... little footsteps thumping up and down stairs til pale faced & sleepy eyed they wander into the living room, reminding the grown ups that it was later than we thought.