but dammit, i missed a really important appt this past weekend, and i missed it 2 months ago, too. so today i got an "i am very disappointed in you" email, & now i feel like i don't even know who i am. maybe i just totally suck. maybe i am flakey and flighty and lame. at least that is how i feel. :/ i want to quit my life and hide i a hole where i can't disappoint anyone.
welcome to my pity party.
in the past 5 months, i started working full-time for the first time in 10 years - with a 40 min commute one way. 3 weeks ago we moved into our new house - selling, buying, packing, uhauling & unpacking. now our kids have the 40 minute commute. we are trying to get the girls transferred to the schools we hope they can attend. curtis is going to africa in a month, and i don't even know the dates on which he leaves & returns. we are in the first year of our church plant. (that alone is enough insanity to make a grown woman cry.) our girls have had chorus, jr. national honors society, ib ambassador events, violin lessons, and the rest of the scheduling nightmare of tweens & teens. i am lucky to have one free night a week, and even luckier if it's the same free night curtis has. there are 4 or 5 couples we are trying so hard to find time for socially, friends we love and barely speak to, let alone get to spend time with. there is always a saturday event (or 3), and sundays are full from dawn til dusk - the last 3 weekends for me were children's ministry, worship team, children's ministry. (all of which is good, but... sabbath? what is that?) . i collapse into bed every sunday night swearing that "this week will be more relaxed"... but it never is. if nothing else i have laundry, dinner, housework, work-work, homework... and squeezing in time to blog when i should be doing the dished & doing pilates. (not to mention finding time to be sexy ... again i have to ask ... what is that?)
i know i'm not the only one with a crazy life - i know. but today, that email made me feel like shit. (again - sorry if my profanity offends you. tell it like it is or don't tell it at all. my new philosophy.) i didn't MEAN to miss it! i thought it was this saturday. i am not a terrible person. i am an overwhelmed person. where is the grace for that?