honesty. i have a drinking problem. not a "how much" problem, necessarily, but definitely a "why & when" problem. the days that i want a glass, or two, of wine more than anything are the days i am stressed or anxious...frustrated, depressed, overwhelmed or scared. on those days i crave the sharp smooth taste of a glass of red, longing for the fog it wraps around me. and it's about time i admitted that i know the fog is an insidious, evil lie. it promises to ease my anxiety, soothe my fears and calm my weary heart... and i want that so, so much. but in reality, it robs me. it robs me of the little time i have with my family, as i curl within myself, letting the fog separate me from their stories and presence. it robs me of feeling the sharp joys of life - the fog dulls everything without prejudice. and most importantly, it robs me of God. it robs me of recalling that i have faced smaller, and much larger, circumstances that God has brought me through. it robs me of the courage to depend on the One who has never abandoned me, never turned His back on me. it robs me of the chance to trust Him again... and so it robs me of our relationship. and it's also about time i acknowledged that relationship is the only thing that really does ease my anxiety, soothe my fears and calm my weary heart.
i'm probably not going to stop enjoying a glass of wine, but i definitely need to honestly examine my why's and when's.
i can't stop you from judging me because of this post, but i hope you won't. i hope it might even give you the courage to look at whatever is robbing you.